i've been thinking about my life in tkgs these few days. thinking and thinking...

for one or more year ive been in tkgs.1e5/2e5. with the same classmates. 42 of us including me. i came to 1e5 somewhere in feb last year. me and ching were the new girls in class. we didn noe dem. dey didn noe us. except maybe some ex-classmates.

i had a bad year in primary skool. we were all so childish back den dat we had fights almost everday. i did not have lots of close frens too. only five - felise hui xin vicky kaess le xuan. we spent time together. lots of time.

im not trying to be bias here. but of all the five i love felise the most. i could tell her anything. everything. wad i was feeling. u noe like my crush. my problems. and stuff. she was always dere for me.

but here in tkgs everything is different. i thot i was able to find one true fren like felise. one dat cld understand me and listen to me. den i found joey, i thot she could be one. but i was wrong. she wasnt dat type of person. den i found grace but she wasn the one either. i felt so alone in class. dere's no one in class dat i can communicate wif.

even though felise is here in tkgs, 2e4 dere's dis gap between us which i cant quite explain why and i feel weird everytime i see her. maybe its cause she came only dis year, jan. dat one year gap must have made me feel dat way.

im just that girl in 2e5. no one special in particular. maybe its because im not sporty. or not clever enuf to be "popular" in class. when i walk into the class ppl just look up and think "oh! its just pei qi: and dey looked down again. some dun even care. yeah. im just a e5iver in 2e5. nth special about me. im just a member of the class.

i look forward to every band practices. coz when my batch mates see me dey we go "pei qi!!!!" and i will scream their names back. its sort of a way we greet each other now. i love the way we greet each other. i enjoy their company. like ytd when iwent ot eat ice cream wif oli and cheryl the feeling was just so different from eating food wif grace and joey.

but its not everyday dat i have band. and not everyday i see them.

i just feel so left out. like im invisible. dere's 41 ppl in class beside me. and how many close frens do i have?? two - joey and grace. whom dun really know the real me. outside, i maybe luffin and smiling all the time but inside me im just dis broken piece of glass. shattered. sad. i try to hide them away by luffing but it aint working no more.

wad will happen if i go to this sec three class dat im left out again. i seriously dunno wad to do. tmr's sports day. argh. would i even have the class spirit to do the class formation thing? i feel dat i dun even belong in the class. no sense of belonging.

have i really made the right choice coming to tkgs? maybe the result would be the same even if i went into another skool. the problem lies wif me.

wad a long entry. omg. tink i better stop now.

anw i have password-ed the blog so as to only allow certain ppl to read. ((: sorry ot cause any trouble.